Nightmare
by ibrokethecrayon
Summary: I was afraid to look up, all I could do was stare down at the faded and worn-out Converse sneaker that had "forever" written in a black sharpie, only it was partially faded. I knew only one person who had that written on their sneaker. - Eli x Julia story


**Author's Note: Okay, this is my first Degrassi fanfiction. Cut me some slack, but I did my research on Eli Goldsworthy and how his ex-girlfriend Julia died. I added my own inputs and dug around in my imagination for how Eli would cope with Julia. I sort of got the idea from New Moon, when Bella is always screaming in the night because of the pain Edward left when he was gone. I'm winging it in this fanfiction, and this is staying as a one-shot. Please tell me if this was good or not, I'm not sure if it had a direct approach, but I really liked writing this, and I think it has some potential. Please, be honest, but try not to make the reviews sound mean (if they are bad).**

**Kisses and candy drops.**

* * *

><p><strong>Nightmare.<strong>

We were at Little Miss Steaks, a normal place for me and my parents to go just about every night for dinner. I ordered the medium rare London broil like I usually do, and a medium coke while my parents had their cheeseburger and Corona beer. We would talk about how I'm doing in school, which is just barely passing now that I'm officially six months into Degrassi Community School. They weren't very proud of me, but they didn't pressure me into doing better - that's just how my parents were on me. But what ticked me off was that when I was in the middle of telling them about something interesting that happened in school (I got into yet another fight with Fitz, and it's interesting to me) when they turned their heads toward the flat screen absentmindedly. I wondered what they were looking at, so I turned my head casually and saw a news broadcast for a memorial on J.T. Yorke, since it was a week until the anniversary of his death. My throat tightened, and I stood up from the booth.

"What's wrong, Eli?" Bullfrog, my father, asked as he noticed me standing up so quickly.

"Nothing, I'm ready to go home." I knew my voice sounded strained, but they possibly wouldn't care. Bullfrog simply nodded, and stood up, letting my mother, CeCe, out of the booth. CeCe slammed a twenty on the table and we walked toward the exit of the restuarant.

"Leaving so soon?" a chirpy familiar voice asked, the sound of boots scurrying behind us. I turned my head to see Holly J. Sinclair dressed up as one of the waitresses for Little Miss Steaks, putting her hands on her hips and piping up a sugary sweet, please-don't-leave-I-hate-my-job smile.

"Yeah, gotta head home. See ya in school, Holly J." I murmured, flashing her a lopsided smirk before pushing the frosted glass doors open and walking into the parking lot. Normally, I'd search around for my hearse, Morty, but tonight Bullfrog had insisted we take his faded black Dodge pick-up truck, whom he named Mater after the towtruck from the Disney movie, Cars. CeCe accepted since she didn't like the family riding together in the Morty.

When we got into the truck, and I leaned my shaggy head onto the frosted tinted window of my Dad's truck, breathing in heavily and deeply, closing my eyes and trying not to think about the memorial. Even though I didn't know J.T., I would still get the uneasy feeling about . . . well, death, in general. CeCe and Bullfrog talked casually, blasting punk rock music from the front, but I didn't mind the sound of it pounding in my ear. I started to fall asleep, but Bullfrog drove over a pothole and made me bounce in my seat, slamming my head into the glass plate of the window. It throbbed, but I necessarily didn't care - and when I was about to fall asleep again, CeCe caught my attention.

"Baby boy." my mother said in her casual, normal quiet voice.

"Yeah, CeCe?" I mumbled, leaning away from the window and sitting up straight.

"We're home." CeCe had climbed out of Mater, and pushed the seat up for me to get out. I nodded once, climbing out of the car after my mother pushed the seat up and walked over to the side of the house. Neither CeCe nor Bullfrog said anything to me, knowing what I was doing - I started leaving my window open just a crack lately, I don't know why, and when I was at my window, I pushed it all the way up and leaped up a little, slamming my stomach onto the windowsill and kicking my way up the side of the house, collapsing into my cluster-fuck space I call a bedroom. I landed on a pile of dirty laundry, thank God, and rolled onto the only space left of my bedroom floor.

I looked around, lopsided smirking at how I "straightened up" my bedroom for the first time in months. Yes, it was messy still, but at least I had some walking space and you could partially see my bedroom walls. But I was very tired, at the moment, and just decided to kick back to relax. I yanked my black t-shirt over my head and tossed it onto my black IKEA dresser, then pulled down my skinny jeans, shaking my ankles out of them and kicking them to the side of my bed, leaving myself exposed in my black and red skull boxers CeCe had bought me online from some lame ass brand called Hugo Boss. They were snug, and quite comfortable, I have to admit that.

I plopped on my bed and put my hands behind my head, as my green eyes looked forward and upward to my ceiling. I tried to fight the massive urge to look over at my desk, no matter how badly I wanted to. But something came over me, and made me look at the black-glass framed picture I had on my dresser, and I frowned when I saw that my shirt had landed on top of it. I climbed out of bed, and padded across my clothes-scattered floor to fix it. I gently pulled the shirt off the picture frame, and put it somewhere else in my bed. My frown stayed permanently.

Sitting on my dresser was a framed picture of my ex-girlfriend Julia. How I missed running my fingers through her long natural black hair whenever I was bored, staring into her narrow but beautiful brown eyes right before we had sex or leaning in for a simple kiss. I missed hearing the sounds of Julia knocking on my window when she came over, she had gotten into an argument with her mother and always ended up at my house, where she'd stay the night and we'd have sex for as long as possible. I missed those days. I wished I hadn't been such an idiot. Gnawing on my bottom lip, I stared at the picture for a moment longer and then turned back, marching over to my bed and laying down once more. I shut my eyes, taking in a deep breath.

It killed me whenever I looked at Julia's picture, and my parents knew that. But for some odd reason they let me keep it in my bedroom. I yawned, so tired from the day I had at Degrassi and just being out with my 'super cool' parents as my best friend Adam Torres and girlfriend Clare Edwards mention when they first met Bullfrog and CeCe.

Before I fell asleep, there was a light rapping on my bedroom door. I snapped my eyes open, and groaned as I rolled off my bed and slugged my way over to my bedroom, ready to tell CeCe or Bullfrog that I wasn't in the mood for a pep talk or for them to tell Clare I wasn't ready to talk to anybody since I was majorly tired. But when I yanked my door open, thankful I hadn't decided to lock my door before I left with my parents, I rubbed my eyes a few times and saw that nobody was standing in my doorway. _Huh? _

I peaked my head out of my bedroom, looking everywhere to see who had knocked on my door. At first, I thought it was CeCe playing a small joke on me - knocking on my door while she passed to go into the kitchen or something. But there was no sign of CeCe, and she wasn't a very fast person when it came to walking; she was a notoriously slow walker. I started closing my door, annoyed that I couldn't get to sleep, when someone's Converse-clad foot stopped the door. I was afraid to look up, all I could do was stare down at the faded and worn-out Converse sneaker that had "forever" written in a black sharpie, only it was partially faded. I knew only one person who had that written on their sneaker.

"Hey, Eli." said the familiar voice, but it was almost impossible to be real. Slowly my face drifted upward, finding myself staring into a pair of chocolate-brown eyes that seemed all too real for me to be dreaming.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" my voice broke.

"I came to visit you, silly." Julia giggled softly, covering her perfect pale pink mouth with her porcelain hand. I smiled at her nails still being painted black, matching my own painted nails. She stared at me, and it was silent between us.

"Did my parents let you in?" I couldn't help but ask.

"No, I just walked inside. CeCe and Bully don't know I'm here." and with that, Julia slipped into my bedroom and closed the door behind her. I stared at her with wide eyes, awe-struck to see my girlfriend (or. . . dead ex-girlfriend) standing in front of me, in my bedroom, when my parents didn't know she was here. Julia lowered her eyes, but started waving her hand in front of my face, trying to get my attention.

"Julia, I-I thought you were..." my voice trailed off, afraid to even try and finish my sentence. But Julia didn't respond back to me, instead she stretched her thin arms and let out a small yawn.

"I'm tired." she blurted, putting her arms down, wrapping them around my neck and taking a step closer to me. I stood there, looking into her eyes while my own are clouded with confusion and distrust. I didn't notice but Julia was leaning in toward me, and then I felt her lips press lightly against mine: as if she didn't know how to kiss, or she forgot what it was like kissing me. Her lips were cold and foreign, since I've been kissing Clare at school, with us not afraid to reveal our relationship. "Sleep with me?"

"Uhh." before I could respond, Julia released her arms from around my neck and grabbed my hands, pulling me toward my bed and plopping us both down, she brought her legs up onto the mattress after kicking off her Converse. She leaned back, using her arms as lifts and shaking her head so her long, silky black hair brushed against her backside.

"You look sexy." Julia straightened her head, smirking at me.

"I was ready to go to bed." I said, blinking repeatedly to make sure this wasn't a dream. Each time I opened my eyes, Julia was still sitting beside me on my bed. And the last time I opened my eyes, I saw that Julia had removed her black t-shirt and gray hoodie, both of them in a pile on the floor beside my bed. She was left in her skinny jeans and multicolored socks, which was out of place for her since we were both the "emo" kids at our old school, and I still was one at Degrassi. Julia unbuttoned her jeans, tossed them onto the floor, then laid down on the bed, curling up a little wearing only her lacy black underwear and matching bra. I forgot how fully developed her chest was.

"Lay with me." she murmured, pressing her head onto one of my million pillows. I nodded once, laying back and taking Julia in my arms, I waited for her to close her eyes so I'd know my Julia was sleeping in my arms. I kissed her on the forehead. My eyes were heavy lidded, closing after seconds passing, and then I found myself out cold - with Julia in my arms. But I knew this wasn't going to last long, I knew somehow that this was all a sick dream just messing with my head. And it would be proven tomorrow when I woke up in the morning.

_*Hours Later, morning into afternoon*_

When I woke up in the morning, I felt something stir in my arms. I didn't open my eyes, but I knew that I was fully awake, just not ready to get out of bed. The stir happened in my arms once more, and what felt like hair brushed along my bare chest. I opened one eye, finding a touseled pile of messy black hair splayed out on my chest, while I was laying on my back. My eyebrows furrowed together, wondering who the hell was laying in my arms. And then my question was answered when this person stirred in my arms once more, the hair moving away and revealing the most perfect and beautiful face: Julia. _So, last night wasn't a dream. _I thought to myself.

Julia's eyes fluttered open, and a smile appeared on her face. "Morning, Eli."

"Uh, morning, Julia." I murmured to her, she rolled out of my arms and pressed against the wall, slowly sitting up and staring brightly at me. She was in her underwear, like she'd fallen asleep the night before. I sat up on my bed, too, and I was in my boxers.

"morningwood." she coughed under her breath, giggling once more. I looked down to see what she was talking about. And as mentioned, I had a tent grown in my boxers; my cheeks flushed red for some odd reason. Julia had seen my penis in and out of my boxers, it was nothing new to me. But perhaps it's just been so long since I'd been intimate, it was all new to staring at someone so beautiful, and almost fully naked.

"We should get you home." I said, getting off my bed and dressing in my usual ensemble: black skinny jeans with my white skull-printed wallet in my back pocket and studded belt through the loops, a black t-shirt underneath my signature faded black blazer, my guitar pick necklace never left being around my neck, my silver rings are back on my fingers, and my feet are covered by my own worn-out Converse. Julia stood up from my bed, frowning.

"Do I have to?" she whispered, putting on one of my t-shirts and a pair of my boxers as her clothing for the day. There was something familiar about what she was wearing, other than the fact that she's wearing my clothes. Julia finger-combed her hair, slid on her Converse and put on her hoodie.

"Yes." I answered, gesturing toward the window. It was the way we usually left my room whenever CeCe and Bullfrog didn't know Julia was over the house, even though they never had a problem with Julia over. CeCe simply adored her, and treated her as if she was family - even though CeCe does that to everyone. Bullfrog had probably already left for work, so there wasn't much to worry about.

"Fine." she ducked her head out the window and jumped, landing perfectly on her feet like the part-cat hottie she claimed she was. Each time she told me that, I couldn't help but laugh at her, and when she'd frown, I'd kiss her to make the frown go away. I ducked and jumped out after her, landing almost perfectly, but landing on my butt in the end. Julia laughed, helping me to my feet.

"Did you take your bike here?" I asked, remembering how she'd usually ride her bike seven miles just to see me.

"Yeah." she pointed to the black bike that was on the side of the house. She walked over to it, picking it up and walking it to my hearse; she loves riding in Morty almost as much as I do.

I got into the driver's seat of my hearse, after throwing the bike into the back. Julia got into the passenger seat, well, basically it was the only other seat in the entire hearse. We didn't bother buckling up, nobody ever does that when in Morty. It takes away the fun. I started up Morty, and pulled away from the curb in front of my house. It was silent between us for a few moments, and she cleared her throat when at the first red light. I looked over at Julia, pressing my feet gently on the gas peddle of Morty.

"What did you and your Mom fight about?" I asked, gripping the steering wheel.

"she is _not _my mother, and what the fuck do you think?" she asked sourly, probably pissed off that I was making her go back to her house.

"Same as usual, I pressume." I mumbled under my breath.

"Yeah, you guessed correct." she spat from between her teeth.

"Lighten up, Jules." I said, driving down the coast when the light turned red. She didn't say anything to me after that until we got to the next red light a few blocks away from the first one.

"Why do you insist on taking me home?" she asked, her voice a little softer and kinder than before.

"Because running away isn't always the answer." I reminded her, something I always told her whenever we got onto the topic.

"I know but Katrina just pisses me off so much, I'm tired of it." she growled, ending on a sour note once again.

"Doesn't your Dad do anything about you always fighting with the step monster?" I asked, playfully using her nickname for Katrina, her step mother.

"He's always at work, fuck nut." Julia said, and I figured she was playing with me again by using her silly nickname whenever she was starting to play around but also getting angry at the same time.

"Confront him." I encouraged.

"No. It'll be for nothing. Step monster has him, like, completely brainwashed." Julia rambled, staring out Morty's tinted window.

"Julia..." I started, driving again when the light was two passed red and once again back to green.

"Don't 'Julia' me, Eli. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of my fucking life. You're the only good thing that's ever happened to me since my real mom left me and my Dad, deciding we weren't fucking good enough for a family." Julia snarled, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"You're never gonna lose me." I whispered.

"I seriously fucking hope not." Julia's voice softened again.

Then it got quiet, for a little while.

"Why don't we move away? Live together, Eli. Just you and me. Away from everyone and everything." Julia's voice sounded unsure, and I wasn't so sure about the idea myself, I briefly glanced at her.

"No way." I blurted. Julia whipped her head in my direction, glaring at me.

"Why not?" she asked.

"I'm not _ready _for that." I admitted. No matter how much I love Julia, I would never think of moving in with her, and no matter how much I love her, I wouldn't consider anything adult while I'm only a sophomore-junior in high school.

"You don't... love me?" Julia's voice broke. I was about to say something but she cut me off by screaming, "YOU DON'T LOVE ME!"

"Julia, what the hell are you talking about?" I shouted back.

"You only loved me for _sex_! Just admit it, Elijah Goldsworthy! YOU. JUST. LOVE. SEX. NOT. ME." she spliced through her teeth, her brown eyes scorching with flames behind the calm surface I once knew and saw.

"THAT IS CRAZY!" I yelled at her.

"FUCK YOU!" she screamed, hot tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Julia-" I started saying, but she cut me off.

"DON'T FUCKING TRY TO FIX THIS!" She yelled through her tears. I had never seen Julia get the wrong idea from me, and I'd never seen her overreact so badly. Yes, I knew she was taking anti-depression pills but I had no idea what they would do to her, I had no idea they would make her so. . . sensitive. . . out of random.

"Please liste-"

"Pull this fucking car over right now!" she demanded, her voice cracking. I wasn't in the mood for arguing anymore, so I did as she was told and pulled over to the side of the road. Julia cried for a few moments, then abruptly pushed the door open and got out, rounding to the back where I'd put her bike. I sat in the car, tightening my grip on the steering wheel and watching my knuckles turn whiter than bone. I heard the door in the back open, and she grunted as she lifted her bike from the back of Morty.

"What are you doing?" I asked calmly as she approached my window, walking her bike beside her.

"I'm going to a friend's house, since you're just fucking stupid and wanna take me back to that damn hellhole." she growled in my face, gripping her bike handle bars as tight as I was the steering wheel. "G'bye, Eli." her voice dropped.

"Julia." I opened the door, and rose out of the car as Julia started walking away, going a few feet in front of the hearse and looking both ways before crossing. She started walking when the street was clear, and out of nowhere, a truck was speeding down the road. "JULIA!"

"DON'T!" she screamed over her shoulder, not seeing the truck.

"JULIA!" I cried out, and in the next second, I witnessed Julia crushed by the truck that suddenly came to a dead halt, realizing they'd just hit a teenage girl. Without warning, stinging hot tears streamed down my cheeks and I started crying out Julia's name, but more like screaming. I closed my eyes tight.

And then, I couldn't stop screaming. Each time I tried, it only voiced out even louder than before, and then I found myself having a hard time stopping from screaming out my girlfriend's name. I didn't want to stop, I backed into the hearse and crouched, crying as hard as I could and screaming out her name again. I'd lost the one I love. And that image could never leave my memory.

Suddenly, I felt like I was out of breath. My chest tightened, and my throat locked. It started feeling hot and itchy, like I was having an allergic reaction to something. I choked out screams, now, and I willed everything to stop - I willed the ache in my heart to stop, I willed my body to move somewhere. Damn it, I willed my eyes to open. But nothing happened, it just continued for what seemed like hours.

"Eli? Eli! Baby boy!" I could hear CeCe shouting.

I took a sharp, forced deep breath and then my eyes opened. I gasped for air, my body jolting as if I'd been electricuted. Staring back at me was not Julia, like when I'd first opened my door, but I was staring into a familiar matching pair of green eyes. CeCe. I also saw that I was in my bed, sitting up and panting, gasping for more air to enter my lungs.

"Baby boy, what's the matter?" CeCe cooed.

"Where is she?" I choked out.

"Where's who?" asked Bullfrog, who just entered the room.

"Julia. Is she in the hospital? Is she alright?" I moaned, wiping my face and feeling that the tears were on my cheeks. CeCe and Bullfrog just stared at me, dumbfounded but also hurt.

"Eli, honey... Julia's dead... remember?" CeCe whispered, her voice cracking.

I let out a slow, deep breath. Allowing my heart to flutter back to it's original pace, and my blood to stop pulsing through my veins with adrenaline like I'd just run a marathon or won a car race with Morty. I stared at my parents, another tear rolling down my cheek and onto my chest.

"It was... just a... dream." I murmured to myself.

"What was?" CeCe asked, I could tell by her facial expression that she _was _being concerned about me.

"I had a dream Julia was alive. And-And then it turned into her... dy-dying." I heard my voice quivering as I spoke, and my body slowly started trembling from the amount of crying I'd done - my body catching up with my emotions.

"Honey, I'm sorry." CeCe frowned, twirling a strand of blonde hair around her middle finger.

"I wanna be alone." I demanded, my voice rougher.

CeCe and Bullfrog nodded, both of them exiting my bedroom and closing the door behind them. I slowly rose from my bed and walked over to where the picture frame of Julia was. I stared longingly at the picture, wondering what had triggered my dream about Julia. I blinked slowly, and then I heard my phone vibrating. I walked away from the dresser, picking up my cell phone that was on the floor. And as I went to go see who texted me, I saw the date.

"This is my doing.. It's because of me.. It's my fault.. M-My fault." I realized that I started crying all over again, whispering unwilled words under my breath, my body beginning to tremble even more than it already was. Yes, I knew her death wasn't my fault but I still blame myself for Julia getting hit by that truck. It was because of me, that she had gotten so angry, and left to go to another friend's house. I was . . . such an idiot. Slowly, I closed my phone but also stared at the date a little longer.

**04-22-10**

Exactly one year.

_Rest in peace, Julia. I love you, and I always will._


End file.
